IF…

 

…You pee in a jar, bottle, cup, or any handy container rather than a standard rest room.

…You automatically adjust your rear view mirror every time a hot chick gets in your car.

…You have a minimum of three mis-spelled tattoos.

…You have your local IRS number on speed dial.

…All your mug shots show you smiling. 

…You have more than six stains from six different fast food restaurants on your sleeveless wifebeater shirt!

…You’re bald aaannnddd you have a pony tail.